What’s Your Focus?

When I first began throwing this site together a couple months back, I titled it “Facing the Porn Plague” because that’s what I wanted to do.  That what I wanted to encourage my readers to do – Face the fact that pornography has spread like a plague across the world, thanks to the internet.  And like most all social conservatives, I believe the eventual fallout will be devastating, both for individuals and most likely for society as a whole.

But I recently changed the title to this blog.  I added the phrase – And Winning!

Why did I do that?

For the same reason psychology has finally begun looking at healthy people instead of only psychotics and neurotics and psychopaths and started asking questions like, “What are happy people like?”  and “Why are they happy?” and “How do psychologically healthy people deal with problems? Deal with setbacks? Deal with death and disappointment and fears and challenges?”

They did it because focusing on sickness can only tell you so much.  Ultimately focusing on disease and weakness and dysfunction constricts your vision and depresses your motivation because no one ever made their goal in life “to not be sick”.

They want to be well.  To be healthy.

You’ve got to focus your attention on what you want.  On where you want to go.  Not on what you fear.

So now, the field of positive psychology is dedicated to studying good mental health.  Studying how psychologically successful people think and live their lives.

And they’re getting answers!  Good answers we can actually learn from and practice ourselves.

The truth, which we should have seen all along, is that you can learn a lot more about living successfully by studying successful people than you can from studying losers.

Why did it take psychiatry and psychology more than a hundred years to figure that out? I have no idea.  Professional blindness perhaps?

So I renamed this blog.  “Facing the Porn Plague – And Winning!”  because there is an answer.  There is a solution.  There is a cure to compulsive pornography use even when it’s only a mouse click away. With the right tools and the right plan of action any man can break free and live free of any compulsion to use pornography.

That’s a fact.  One I want to celebrate.  One I want to shout from the housetops!

Or at the least from my desktop.

God’s Best,

Tom Kaye


About Tom Kaye

I am a writer, speaker, seeker and finder.
This entry was posted in achievement, Addiction, christian, gratitude, happiness, religion, self-help, Sex, struggles, success, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What’s Your Focus?

  1. BothEyesShut says:

    Dear Tom,

    I am an avid proponent of positive thinking, though I hate the term. I’m crazy enough to think that quantum particles respond to individual attentions paid them, too, so I actually go around altering the world — or at least from my perspective.

    When I quit smoking (which I do regularly) I never tell people I’m quitting, and I never do it gradually. I simply — don’t smoke. When people say, “Hey, are you trying to quit smoking?” I reply, “Uh, I’m just not smoking is all.” If the other person doesn’t know me, I’ll straightaway say, “No thanks, I don’t smoke,” even if I had only just quit hours before.

    This works for me, but it’s so effective that months or years later, I don’t think much of smoking a few cigarettes for pleasure. I think maybe it’s better from a certain point-of-view to go through hell quitting an addiction, so to remind one that one ought not touch the stuff again.


    Yours Truly,


    • Tom Kaye says:


      Good to hear from you again! I agree in principle with your approach. A declaration is “future-based language” and it is the key to escaping a “default future” and writing a new one. And as you may have guessed from a few posts, I do not believe in repressing our sex drive, our lust engine. Lust is a gift from God. Our responsibility is to learn to contain it, control it, direct it and use it to accomplish our dreams.

      When one feels lust, is tempted to engage in addictive behavior, I believe the proper course of action is to “turn in the direction of the skid!”

      Tom Kaye

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