Dumpster Diving for Sex

Porn makes us feel good.  Even the feeling of being addicted to porn can feel good.  Like having a lodestone, something to focus on.  Even though this site is dedicated to helping good men free themselves from the iron grip of pornography, I’ll never deny that reality. Truth is our most potent weapon in the struggle.

We’re wired to enjoy sex and with the discovery of “mirror neurons” we now understand why watching sex feels almost as good as the real thing.   Here’s the story from NOVA.

I think it’s fascinating.  We enjoy watching sex so much because our brain makes it feel like we’re really doing it.  Of course, we’ve known all along from experience that was true.  But to  learn the actual science behind it is great.

But, knowledge aside, here’s the problem:  Once we turn away from the screen – even a hi-def screen – we are forced to realize it was all an illusion.  A trick of the brain.  We weren’t really with that woman, we didn’t really make that contact, we didn’t really interact or touch or get touched by a real, live, caring human being who loves us and accepts us and wants to share their life with us.

We are really alone.

The fact is, we were alone before we ever started using porn.  Even if we’re married, we were still alone.  Alone in our hearts. . . even while our spouse lay beside us.

Porn addiction isn’t just a lonely, solitary habit.  It’s a habit of lonely, solitary men (and some women).  Men using the power of their mirror neurons to create the illusion that they are not.

That why I titled this post “Dumpster Diving for Sex.”

Sexual stimulation by pornography is like digging for food in a dumpster.  Sure, you may find stuff that was once good food in there, may even tastes pretty good for coming from a dumpster.  But if you had a choice. . . if your life were not so impoverished. . .empty of any real, deep, quality. . .contact. . . If your life were better. . . different. . . richer than it is. If your life were what you wanted it to be. . . Would you ever even be tempted by the site or thought of eating out of. . . a dumpster?

It’s like the research they did into Rat Paradise.

What the heck is Rat Paradise? you ask.

I’ll have to tell you in another post.

God’s Best to You.

Thomas Kaye

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About Tom Kaye

I am a writer, speaker, seeker and finder.
This entry was posted in Addiction, christian, Christian Porn, Neurology, porn, pornography, religion, self-help, Sex, struggles, The Brain. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dumpster Diving for Sex

  1. BothEyesShut says:

    Dear Mr. Kaye,

    I don’t want to take up too much of your time, but of course I found your argument compelling: “Once we turn away from the screen – even a hi-def screen – we are forced to realize it was all an illusion. A trick of the brain. We weren’t really with that woman, we didn’t really make that contact, we didn’t really interact or touch or get touched by a real, live, caring human being who loves us and accepts us and wants to share their life with us.”

    Indeed! Personally (as you well know, because we have corresponded before) I place as much faith in illusion as I do reality, so the unreal doesn’t bother me much, but thank God! I have never forsaken my real, live, caring human being.

    There must be millions of people, many of them too young to understand about serotonin and the nature of addictions, who either consciously or subconsciously prefer auto-eroticism to dating. What an insufficient private life! When I was an adolescent and very much addicted to porn, I remember truly wishing that the women involved were real, and that I were with them. Having no physical outlet for that carnal energy (because I practiced celibacy for years), it would have been nigh-impossible for me to stop using porn then.

    It must be very difficult for most addicts to find a reason to shun their porn when they may be so very terrified of the prospect of actual dating. I was lucky, and managed a modest personal life as a young bachelor, but some excellent persons have not had the benefit of social graces — like that old song by Janis Ian, “At Seventeen.”

    Anyway, just saying that having read up on your site, here, I think you’re doing a noble and courageous job, and a bang-up one, to boot.

    Cheers, Sir!

    Yours Truly,

    -BothEyesShut

    P.S. — I took the liberty of making a StumbleUpon bookmark for porncure.wordpress.com. If you notice a slight influx of visitors, that’d be it

    • Tom Kaye says:

      Dear BothEyes,

      I am relatively new at blogging. Is this what they call “Link Love”? Thanks for the kind words and the bookmark. I hope to figure out this stuff eventuallly so I can return the favor.

      Tom

  2. BothEyesShut says:

    Dear Tom,

    Ha ha! It’s true that as a writer on the Internet, socializing the way we’ve been doing tends to garner much attention over time, but poisonally, I’d feel disingenuous writing to someone without having something to say. The bookmark is no problem, no big thing.

    If you’re interested in learning the most-basic tricks about blogging, I’d be happy to write them up for you. Not publicly, though. It’s embarrassing to talk about self-endorsement. Hit me up at BothEyesShut@gmail.com if you like and I’ll tell you what little I know.

    Cheers,

    -BothEyes

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